Easter hope

I have not had that much to say lately, I have been going through a bit of a bad patch and been really down at times.  Together with horrible panic attacks at night and the lack of sleep that follows from that, life has not felt like much fun.  I have struggled with my faith too, it is not that I do not believe, not that at all, I still believe in God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit and the Bible, that it is all true.  But more I have been struggling with me in relation to God, struggling to see past the bad in me, struggling to cope with myself and my inadequacy and why God would ever want anything to do with me.  Struggling with grace I suppose, again.

So Easter has been a precious reminder of what Jesus has done for us, that He has taken our sin and takes it afresh every day, so that we can go to the Father.  Today I feel a renewal of hope because Jesus has died for us and has risen and stone is rolled away and the tomb is empty and so everything is possible.  I will still make mistakes today and tomorrow and the day after, I am not perfect in myself and never can be, but through Christ, in God's eyes I am and I am loved and accepted.  How to take in this truth, to understand it and live out that truth?

A couple of songs have been helping me along this path, one is from an album reviewed on a university friend's blog, by a band called Page CXVI and is called Roll Away the Stone, I love the chorus:

Roll away roll away the stone!
Where he lay, where he lays no more
Risen and victorious radiant and glorious
He rose amen He broke the chains of sin

And Boldly I Approach by Rend Collective, a meditation on Hebrews 4.16: "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."



I hope they help you enjoy God's grace anew this Easter.  Life has been hard, it will be hard again, but we all need a reminder of the truth to show us that this is not all, that there is a hope to come.  It is a relief to be able to remember God's grace despite not having been able to go to church as I would love to do and amid all the other frustrations of my life.  I do not know what is next or where I should be going but for now I will try to rest with God and remember that the Easter message, "That there is now no condemnation for those who are in Jesus Christ."

Sunset on Good Friday

52 Weeks of Happy - week 13

It has been yet another marathon week filled mainly with a heady mix of toothache and anxiety.  All in all this has been a horrible month and I shall be glad to see the back of it, maybe April will be better?

1. Good Friday - Jesus Christ died to set us free, the best good news ever.

2. Tulips - beautiful Easter flowers from a friend



3. The Girl in Blue - by P.G. Wodehouse, my new audiobook, a delightfully complicated confection involving  a large cast of improbable characters and read by Graham Seed, aka. ex-Nigel from The Archers.  It's so lovely hearing his voice again.  I find audiobooks a great accompaniment to knitting and a good one can draw you in completely.  It is not just the quality of the book that matters but also the reader.  As someone who has listened to a great many P. G. Wodehouse audiobooks I can recommend those read by Jonathan Cecil and Martin Jarvis (who has done the world a great service by his readings of the Just William stories).



4. Isaiah 41.10 - a verse I found in a list on the Desiring God blog, just when I needed it to help me with dentist related anxiety.

fear not, for I am with you;
    be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

So rich in promises and just exactly what I needed, exactly when I needed it.  God is good at that and I do tend to find that I need reminding of His promises, I am hopeless at remembering on my own.  The original blog post is well worth reading - Nine Reasons Why You Can Face Anything