I am trying to persevere, as the Bible urges us to again and again, but it feels so hard and yet in saying that I feel like such a wimp. Surely I knew before I began that following Jesus was hard? He warns of it, "Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me." (Matthew 10) and "In this world you will have trouble." (John 16). So why do I moan and whine and protest when things are hard?
I find it so hard to put aside my pride and admit that I cannot do this on my own, to accept my own inadequacy and that ultimately I cannot save myself. It is at this point that I turn again to Jesus, to the cross, to give in to grace, something so simple, yet so hard.
But I still admit that I cannot yet rejoice in trials and sufferings, although I can overall see the good that has been coming out of the hard times. Sometimes the hard times are when I am closest to God, but the hardest hard times are when I find it hard to approach God and when my sense of failure becomes overwhelming.
Father help me to persevere.
Forgive me my failings.
Thank you for the cross.
Help me to find strength in my weakness.
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12)