Sunday, 20 April 2014

Easter hope

I have not had that much to say lately, I have been going through a bit of a bad patch and been really down at times.  Together with horrible panic attacks at night and the lack of sleep that follows from that, life has not felt like much fun.  I have struggled with my faith too, it is not that I do not believe, not that at all, I still believe in God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit and the Bible, that it is all true.  But more I have been struggling with me in relation to God, struggling to see past the bad in me, struggling to cope with myself and my inadequacy and why God would ever want anything to do with me.  Struggling with grace I suppose, again.

So Easter has been a precious reminder of what Jesus has done for us, that He has taken our sin and takes it afresh every day, so that we can go to the Father.  Today I feel a renewal of hope because Jesus has died for us and has risen and stone is rolled away and the tomb is empty and so everything is possible.  I will still make mistakes today and tomorrow and the day after, I am not perfect in myself and never can be, but through Christ, in God's eyes I am and I am loved and accepted.  How to take in this truth, to understand it and live out that truth?

A couple of songs have been helping me along this path, one is from an album reviewed on a university friend's blog, by a band called Page CXVI and is called Roll Away the Stone, I love the chorus:

Roll away roll away the stone!
Where he lay, where he lays no more
Risen and victorious radiant and glorious
He rose amen He broke the chains of sin

And Boldly I Approach by Rend Collective, a meditation on Hebrews 4.16: "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

I hope they help you enjoy God's grace anew this Easter.  Life has been hard, it will be hard again, but we all need a reminder of the truth to show us that this is not all, that there is a hope to come.  It is a relief to be able to remember God's grace despite not having been able to go to church as I would love to do and amid all the other frustrations of my life.  I do not know what is next or where I should be going but for now I will try to rest with God and remember that the Easter message, "That there is now no condemnation for those who are in Jesus Christ."

Sunset Good Friday
Sunset on Good Friday


  1. Stephanie I'm so sorry things have been so tough. I struggle through similar things with my daughter, as you know. I was raised by very critical parents, but my grandparents were wonderfully loving and accepting. It was through their gentle guidance that I became interested in Christianity and church. My Grampa had a great saying that has helped me a lot throughout my life. Whenever we made a mistake he would say, "Well, there was only one perfect man - and look what happened to him!" This was from a man who prayed every morning and was a cornerstone of the church. So it wasn't meant with disrespect. It was a wonderfully freeing reminder to us children that we are only human, and that making mistakes is part of being human. My grandparents' unconditional love was a great blessing to me, and opened up the idea of God loving me in the same way. I still struggle to really believe it - but when I think of how dearly I love my children, for who they are, and through all their growth and mistakes and lessons, then I can start to imagine that God might love me in the same way.
    Be good to yourself!

  2. Thank you, that is a great saying of your Grampa's. I'm so glad you had them in your life to teach you so much about love and faith :-) and thank you for passing on what they taught you