The exertion of moving house and all the work it has entailed has knocked me for six; it is the worst ME crash in years and my word how impatient I am to be back on my feet! I am so bored of resting, of aching with tiredness and having to say "no" to things I really want to do. Days seem to float past, each one much alike and it is hard to keep from getting depressed by the situation. Now I do know that compared to many people I am incredibly lucky to be able to so much, but somehow that is never enough is it? I want to be getting stuck into church things, helping out, inviting people over, going places, exploring, making, gardening. The gap between what I can do and what I want to do is vast, a canyon, so if I say, "yes" to something or suggest doing something, then have to pull out, that is why. In terms of energy my eyes are bigger than my energy reserves.
I am trying to stay positive, to take each day as it comes, be grateful for what I have, for the peace and chance to recover, but I am human and do not find it easy. Maybe my calling right now is just to be?
A new arrival is helping make this time of resting bearable, I have adopted a small black cat named Willow from a local shelter. She is about six, affectionate, determined, funny, sweet and loving. There is nothing she likes more than a lap for the afternoon, cuddles by the hour and will sit on me in such a way that I cannot do anything else except sit, which for someone who struggles to rest, is invaluable. I wish I had had a cat years ago, they offer great companionship. I look forward to getting up now so I can go downstairs to see her.