The exertion of moving house and all the work it has entailed has knocked me for six; it is the worst ME crash in years and my word how impatient I am to be back on my feet! I am so bored of resting, of aching with tiredness and having to say "no" to things I really want to do. Days seem to float past, each one much alike and it is hard to keep from getting depressed by the situation. Now I do know that compared to many people I am incredibly lucky to be able to so much, but somehow that is never enough is it? I want to be getting stuck into church things, helping out, inviting people over, going places, exploring, making, gardening. The gap between what I can do and what I want to do is vast, a canyon, so if I say, "yes" to something or suggest doing something, then have to pull out, that is why. In terms of energy my eyes are bigger than my energy reserves.
I am trying to stay positive, to take each day as it comes, be grateful for what I have, for the peace and chance to recover, but I am human and do not find it easy. Maybe my calling right now is just to be?
A new arrival is helping make this time of resting bearable, I have adopted a small black cat named Willow from a local shelter. She is about six, affectionate, determined, funny, sweet and loving. There is nothing she likes more than a lap for the afternoon, cuddles by the hour and will sit on me in such a way that I cannot do anything else except sit, which for someone who struggles to rest, is invaluable. I wish I had had a cat years ago, they offer great companionship. I look forward to getting up now so I can go downstairs to see her.
Perhaps I should write soon about what I have been knitting while I have been resting? For now it is time to head back to the sofa.
Good to hear from you. I live with an impatient rester and know a bit of how you feel. I've always thought that ME (or perhaps any chronic illness) makes it terribly hard to relax - you can't exert yourself to have that refreshing sensation of rest afterwards. Rest in itself becomes work. Not easy! I'm delighted that you have Willow, and that she has you. Cats can teach us a lot about just be-ing. Yes please do show us your knitting! I have been interested to see how many retro patterns you have been tagging on Ravelry. Take care X
ReplyDeleteGood to hear from you too, you've hit the nail on the head, resting becomes a task and the main task of the day. Willow is good for helping me rest, she likes sitting on my lap.
DeleteI will get onto it, I have been very into vintage patterns lately, amassed quite a collection, ebay is dangerous! You too, I must catch up with your blog xxx
She looks lovely ... welcome to blogland Willow :)
ReplyDeleteShe is (though I may be biased), thank you!
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