Today I spent most of the day feeling appalling with a headache and trying not to take the magic migraine pills, I finally gave up in the late afternoon and soon felt a million times better. However, I did get a decent rest in the earlier part of the day which was what I needed, my body was starting to shout "Oi you, slow down!". I haven't even been doing that much... and they say I'm well enough to work. I ask you *rolls eyes*
But lying in bed, staring into space, gave me time to think and today it has been about friendship. I should preface this by saying that I value friendship very highly and see it as very important. I am prepared to put real work and effort into a friendship, it's such an important human relationship. Again thinking about how downright rubbish it is when you have "friends" who are too "busy" ever to see you, or even contact you, even for so long as it takes to send a text message or email. I've gone on about this one before, but I still hate it. Jesus always managed to have time for people and didn't rush around like a madman, He knew when to stop and when to rest and when to spend time with God.
Another aspect of friendship I had a chew over today was about "seasons" for friendship and whether this is valid or just a pathetic excuse for when people can't be bothered to keep up with people. When I left Durham and was sad about all the friends I seemed to be losing a number of people said to me that "sometimes friends are given to us for a season". I think sometimes this is true, when life circumstances mean that someone moves away, or if a friend dies. However, I think there is an element to which this is also used as a "get out of jail free" card by people who can't be bothered. There are only a certain number of times you can try to get in contact with people before you start to feel like a weird stalker and certainly in lots of cases it isn't because people aren't seen university people at all, or aren't coming to the city I live in, because they are having meet ups and parties and going places.
Mind you, before I start to sound too maudlin or allow myself to wallow in the poor-me swamp, reading some more of that book by Eric Gaudion (him again!) earlier helped to put some of it in perspective. Jesus cares about me and I do have friends who care and friends who make time, including people who are very busy. But if you are reading this and you are a busy person please think about how you use your time and what your mindset is. God can manage without us working sixteen hours a day and attending 42 meetings a week. Being sick can make you feel terribly marginalised and lonely.
The expectation that you be positive at all times doesn't help, it might make you feel more comfortable if I grin and say I'm fine and crack a joke, but what if inside I'm screaming and wishing someone cared?
None of this is particularly cogent tonight, need some sleep, but maybe something to think about? If I might edit for clarity tomorrow. Toodle pip