I was reading an Adrian Plass piece earlier about the verse "I am the good shepherd" (see John 10) - the piece is from "View from a Bouncy Castle" for those interested in such things. He was talking about why Jesus chose the image of "sheep" to describe us and our need to belong and concluded with how we are all part of the same church, we all belong to Jesus and one another. So however we feel about one another, we still belong to one another through Jesus.
Given how I've been feeling about the church lately (see posts ad nauseam) this struck a chord. I hate how angry I feel, how hurt, how I want to say nasty mean things to make someone else hurt too in a sort of crazy lashing out. How I feel isn't helpful, it's not edifying, it's not glorifying to God in any way, it doesn't make me any better or make my life better in any way. I want to be able to forgive, help me Lord Jesus because I can't do it on my own. I am so very sorry.
Apart from praying I don't know what else to do. The likelihood is that I'm going to continue to be ignored and treated just the same and still hurt. I'm trying the best I can to cope and deal with all this. Life does seem very bleak though. It's not bad to want some fellowship with other Christians is it?