Wednesday, 27 May 2009

I'm feeling rather fragile and vulnerable tonight. The parents have gone to visit a cousin and it seems like all my friends are someplace else. I haven't seen any friends since Thursday night, except for seeing Sheila from next door briefly today. Well that counts I suppose.

For some reason rather than being able to enjoy the time alone I'm feeling down and isolated and lonely. Lately I've been feeling very bored and generally fed up with life in general, not the sort of bored where you have nothing to do, but the sort where you have done everything you physically can do, and some things that stretched you quite a bit and now are fed up of all of them. This feeling has not helped mood and now having three empty days stretching before me seems like a miserable prospect. All the bad things, nasty thoughts, horrible things that have happened are coming back to haunt me. Suddenly I really miss Amy again, when I thought I was coping so well.

I'm feeling pretty alone and deserted and like everyone's gone away. I'm trying desperately hard not to feel sorry for myself, really I am, it might not sound like it. But I am. And before you ask, I'm praying too, or trying to, don't have many words to pray. Unless you count these ones, as a written prayer.

I've got to be able to cope by myself - my parents are going away again for most of next month and most of the month after. Perhaps things will look better in the morning? I do hope so.

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