Wednesday, 6 May 2009


Moods are such fickle beasts. So far today I've been peaceful, happy, sad, depressed, exhausted, elated, feeling like I could fly. I have to some extent moved out of the downness of last week (caused I think as a side effect of a short course of a different drug for something else - legal and prescribed for me I hasten to add!). Hopefully I'll be able to keep out of the slough of negativity and nastyness?

To some extent today has been like waking up from an alternative reality to find that I've written a whole lot of angry stuff and put it up on the internet. That was bright. On the other hand they're very real feelings, even if they aren't ones I'm feeling just this minute and I think getting it out of my system has helped. Cathartic, a bit like being sick, "better out than in", as they say.

Today I have enjoyed fellowship, I've seen Christians, I've been able to talk about Jesus and it's been refreshing. I'm seeing another sister tomorrow, God is good, please remind me of this next time I grumble about unanswered prayers! I've been to life (cell) group twice in two weeks, how good is that?

In fact good things do happen to me, they may be few and far between, they may not out-weigh the bad things, but they are there. For my own reference, for when I next feel inclined to wallow (a foul habit I wish I were well rid of):
  • knitting group last Thursday - fun and doughnuts
  • knitting group last Saturday - fun and frappes and a lovely time on a wonderfully chilled Saturday afternoon
  • seeing Hazel today who is simply wonderful, one of the greatest adverts for Jesus I know, always makes you feel better about yourself and like there is some hope, even for a useless worm like me
  • making it to lifegroup for the second week in a row and having a good laugh and being encouraged
  • seeing Becca tomorrow, even though that hasn't happened yet
  • Alex and Katherine coming at the end of the month (ditto)
  • Anthony Trollope finally coming up with the happy ending in Barchester Towers
Where from here? Taking things one day (or hour or minute) at a time (as needed), walking with God. Writing my benefit appeal (whoopee), going to the psychiatrist (ditto, let's hope they haven't cancelled it again) and seeing Becca (this time the whoopee is sincere). And working towards forgiveness and healing of hurts and banishing prickly nastiness. Think that's enough to be getting on with?

1 comment:

  1. Madamoiselle, I just wanted to affirm that this is yr space so venting here is OKAY!!! Also, know that simply because you might vent doesn't mean that, i at least, think that there aren't good times also :). Rest assured I'm able to make that balance in my head.

    *hugs* xox